::Lessons in Life::
They say that the best way to learn is through experience. Whether or not this is true, I'd rather not venture into the whole complexity of the human mind's capability to learn and function. I finally have been able to see my experiences for what they are, well at least I think I have. To add them up, I really felt as though certain people have the ability to make me feel like less of a person than what I really am. I am worth more than what some people give me credit for, they just don't want to see it that way. I'm competent and capable. I'm intelligent and responsible. I try to be a good friend, daughter, sister, and person. Now, this listing is a combination of what people who love me have said, and what I think about myself. I've never really had high self-esteem, but I always knew deep down that I tried to be a good person. I know I have a temper and that can get me into confrontations, but I try to hear out the other side and try to work things out. As to those who make me feel like less of a person, I know I have my flaws. I don't mind that you point them out to me, just don't attack me. I try to be selfless and put others first, but it's about time that I started taking care of myself better. I'd love to be nurturing all the time and always supportive to others, but the truth is some people see it only as weakness or an opportunity to take advantage. Self-improvement seemed almost selfish to me, but I've spent years worrying about people who don't care that I worry. It's not easy for me to break the habit of caring about these people so much, it's just that I need to care about myself MORE. They stress me so much that at a couple of points in my life I was ready to break. Those who really know me, and know about what I'm going through now can understand why. I have to do what is necessary to survive and for those few friends who heard the recent news about my situation were surprised, a little disappointed, but they were still supportive. To you all, I thank you so much. I have another session of counseling Friday and I think I'm ready to open up more. I'm feeling more confident in myself and I want to find solutions to my emotional troubles. It's going to be a long path to take, I'm sure that it will be a rough ride, but I have to do this for my own sake. I still love the people who stress me and worry me, that won't change. No matter how much bullshit we go through we have the strongest bond in the world, we're family. It's just that now, we all have to get our lives back in order. I wish things could be for the better, but at this moment they're not. I'm working on myself and I can only pray that those I love will do the same. Don't feel bad for me because I'm on medication and have weekly counseling. I'm embracing the fact that I can get help and become a better person. I'll be more in tune with my own thoughts and feelings and by doing that I hope that I can help others too.
Random Blurb: The only thing I'm ashamed of is being ashamed to ask for help.
posted by Rochelle @ 12:34:00 PM
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