::Uh-Oh...Getting Cold Feet::
So, my weekend was cool. Brenna and I went to Open Mic Night at Hot Monkey Love Cafe and we were blown away by the awesome local talent we have, and the talent that actually traveled to visit and perform. Brenna is all psyched up to do her thing and finally take a step into sharing her music. I'm really glad for her that she feels ready and that she has the balls. I'm supposed to perform too, but by doing some spoken word. I thought I'd be super down, like James Brown, but now I'm getting freaked out. It's one thing to have people read the stuff I write, that I can handle without breaking a sweat. I feel kind of weird trying to say what I wrote because I never intended for it to be heard. A lot of my writing is freestyled from my thoughts, so for me to say it outloud seems really odd to me. There have been several people who have told me that I write in a way where there's an underlying rhythm to my words. But as I was trying to say it outloud to myself it sounded all wrong. Each time I would try to practice it's like my voice can't really convey what my writing holds in it's words. I recorded myself and I just don't like what I hear...now I'm getting cold feet. I know that I shouldn't worry because at Hot Monkey Love, it's seriously all Love. All the performers and people in the audience are so supportive, it's just that I always hold myself back in some way when it comes to performing with my voice. The only thing I can bring myself to do with confidence is give a speech, and I know that I shouldn't believe that this is anything different. I feel silly for feeling scared. It's just that this would give some people an inside look at who I really am, and I've tried so hard to keep that a mystery. Now that I think about it more, I'm not scared to perform, I'm scared to have people see me when I'm vulnerable. I don't know if I'm making any type of sense anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to perform. I'm just feeling a little bit weird about it all. This is a whole new type of element I'm throwing myself into. Sure, I've done many performances. Just nothing this personal. I'm freaking out about it, but I don't want to be daunted. This is something that I really have to do for myself, I just hope I don't break down in tears before/during/or after. BLAH, I'm such a sissy. That's all I have to say for now. Thanks for taking time to read what I write. (Yeah, I'm talking to my same 3 or 4 usuals who come by). Bye!
Random Blurb: Oy, feeling the butterflies already...
posted by Rochelle @ 7:47:00 PM
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