::Things::
Things are about as OK, as I could expect them to be. My ex and I have more of an understanding. I'm not mad or bitter towards him anymore. I have the closure I want. Even though I'll never agree with his reasoning and I'll never really accept some of the stunts he's pulled, I can finally let it go. The only thing that cuts me now, is this sick feeling. I feel it way down, deep in my gut. I feel it because I'm so lonely. My friends have been nothing short of supportive and wonderful. The thing is, at night, the pain intensifies, and I cry myself to sleep. The crying helps to dull it all just enough for me to shut down, and get some rest. I can't explain exactly why this feeling haunts me, I can't shake it off. For the most part, I'm functioning fine. I have my appetite back and I'm getting more sleep. I feel OK up until I try to sleep. I become so overwhelmed with this sinking feeling, it's almost like I'm falling. Pain washes over me, the tears flow freely, and I try to stifle my sobbing. At that point, I feel like I'm breaking down. The crying releases all this pent up emotion, then I slowly relax, and drift to sleep. I wake up feeling like I had the best rest ever, but the next night the cycle repeats. I miss having the constant companion I found in "him". Who am I kidding? I miss "him", period, and people can tell. I just want this lonely feeling to dissipate, and I've tried to aid in its disappearance. Tried, trying, will try, no dice. All I can do is hold out hope, and not give up. It's just so hard and I'm so tired of this same feeling. I apologize if I seem off lately. I'm sorry if I might have acted offensive in any way. Forgive me for being a total space case. Trying to find peace of mind is so draining, and I'm starting to feel like a zombie again. I thank everyone who's been a kind ear and a warm hug. I just hate feeling like I need to be alone, but at the same time I feel so alone that I can't handle it. Nothing but confused right now.
Random Blurb: If I could just make it all go away...
posted by Rochelle @ 8:40:00 PM
<< Home