::Foolish Girl::
It's been nice that I've actually been able to write. I've been experiencing the worst case of writer's block for like the past month? Sure I can come up with random crap to write about, but I've been wanting to write something with a little more content. Though I can admit I'd like to find some new subject matter. I can't depress everyone all the time ya know? Anyway, I wrote this one today while I was at the beach. I like to keep a pen and a pad of paper in my truck...just in case. The gloomy skies put me in a gloomy kind of mood. I was freezing out on the pier, but in a good way. It didn't feel bad, it was more refreshing. I love the beach. I just love it more when the weather is right. I can't stand the cold for shit. Well that's really all I have to say. I'm working on something a little more upbeat. I'm trying to not be cornball about it. It's way harder than I thought to try and write something more inspirational or optimistic. Hmm...what a sad predisposition I must have. All good! I'm seriously losing my train of thought. It's turning into a train wreck. Later peoples!
Random Blurb: Hmm...nevermind...I'm being silly.
::Sorry Cow...You're Too Tasty For Your Own Good::
I'm #21729 on the list.
Random Blurb: I'm kind of sorry, but not really. But this does lighten the load on my conscience. =P
::Yet Another Post *Meow*::
I was sitting at work, and I was thinking about how I miss certain things. There are a lot of things that I miss because of the raw emotion behind it all. Among the things I could think of are the water wars me and my neighbors would have as kids over summer break. There's just something about being able to release any hard feelings by smashing someone with a water balloon and hearing the splash on contact. I miss how my grandma would sing to me when I'd get sick and rub my back with Vicks vapor rub. I've never felt so cared for. I remember how awestruck I would be whenever my dad would take me out to the tidepools. The best part was how I used to think my dad was the smartest guy in the world. One of things I miss in particular is being kissed. My mom could cure any scrape, bruise, or knick with a kiss on a boo-boo. My dad or his mom used to tuck me in and give me a kiss on the forehead to ensure sweet dreams. My maternal grandma would give me a kiss on the cheek just because I would drive her around to see her friends. Of all the kinds of kisses, I miss the kind that would set my soul on fire. I want that feeling. For me, that's something that reminds me of how alive I am. What I would give for one kiss...
Random Blurb: *sigh* Add that to the list of things I didn't get for Christmas.
::New Post On the Kung Fu Kitten::
This latest is very short. It's very much to the point. I couldn't think of a title for it. It's a reflection of how I thought I should deal with my problems, but that way was a road of self destruction. That's really all I have to say about it. I've probably said too much. Funny how I wanted to get over my writer's block, but now I hate the fact that I had so much time to think.
Random Blurb: You were right, when it comes it pours.
::I Have A Song To Share::
I really like Nelly Furtado. She's pretty gosh darned awesome. So here's her latest single off her new album. Enjoy!
"Powerless (Say What You Want)"
Paint my face in your magazines
Make it look whiter than it seems
Paint me over with your dreams
Shove away my ethnicity
Burn every notion that I may have a flame inside to fight
And say just what is on my mind
Without offending your might
Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
So say what you want
Say what you want
I saw her face outside today
Weatherworn, looking all the rage
They took her passion and her gaze and made a poster
Now it’s moccasins we sport
We take the culture and contort
Perhaps only to distort what we are hiding
Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
But say what you want
Say what you want
Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in, get in
Hey you, the one that don’t fit in, how ya, how ya gonna get in
Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in with your
Broken teeth, broken jaw, broken mojo
Yeah, this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do
Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do
Random Blurb: Yes, isn't it wonderful when people write songs with content? I think it is.
::A Very Merry Christmas to All::
Ah yes, Christmas Day. Instead of knowing the joys of snowfall, me and my fellow San Diegans are getting rained on. All good. I'd like to wish everyone a blessed and relaxing Christmas. I hope you guys received some wonderful presents. I know that I'm more than appreciative for all the wonderful things friends and family have bestowed upon me. And to all my friends who aren't feeling too great because of that gross bug going around, I hope you take the time to recuperate so you can feel much better. I, myself have been sick for more than a week. Thank goodness I only now have an annoying cough.
Well moving on, I had fun yesterday. I can't say that I did a whole lot. I dropped off a few presents and took some time to catch up with friends. Brenna and I got to see Charlene again. I always miss that girl. She's so full of effervescence. Not in that bubbly, airhead, kinda way. She's quite refreshing. I've always loved hanging out with her because conversation is so upbeat. She has an infectious, positive, personality. I'm so thankful that we've known each other since middle school. We had a genuine girl talk. She's at a happy point in her life and I couldn't be more excited for her. After seeing Char for a bit, Brenna and I rolled over to Minh's. We didn't stay long, but it was a nice way to wind down the evening. I'll say that the presents we gave to each other were, "entertaining". I'm not sure how else to put it. After that, I invited Brenna to hang out for a bit at my house. We ate a little. We watched, "The Nightmare Before Christmas". I love that movie. Then I dropped her off a little before midnight. I visited Mike, and gave him the wonderful baked goods Brenna hooked up. Then I attempted to go to Midnight Mass alone. It was
CRAZY!!! I've forgotten how much a big deal Midnight Mass is because I was working the past few years, and just ended up going the next morning. I honestly don't like dealing with large throngs of people so I decided to pass on church and I went home. I got back home around 12:30, and everyone was awake. We ripped open all our presents. It was cool. I got the orange controller I wanted for my Gamecube and Mario Kart Double Dash. My younger brother got me the new Alicia Keys CD. All in all, I got more than what I expected. It was nice. It was even better to see that my family liked all the stuff I got them. That's a good feeling.
Well today, I caught the 8 AM mass. I kinda sat in the back corner. I took this opportunity to speak to God and Christ in my own way. I got back home, to find that my dad had cooked
MORE food. I'm going to be a blimp when the season is over. I have a few more things to drop off later in the day. I'm going to see Jenn today. That's going to be so very nice. She's been in Japan for the past 3 months, working abroad. I've missed her. We never really have a whole lot of time to hang out. Anytime we can make for each other is a good time. I was going to try to catch a showing of
Cold Mountain, but this weather is making me think twice. We'll see. Well that's all I have for now. Again, I hope everyone enjoys their holiday. Take care of yourselves and each other. Peace and Blessings.
Random Blurb: I still need something to do for New Year's. I just want to shake it like a polaroid picture.
::I Was Looking Over My Old Artwork::
I had forgotten how much I used to just sit and sketch, paint, mess with pastels, whatever. It's not like I'm any good. I've never taken any formal classes on technique. I just like to doodle. I let my mind wander just to see what kind of stuff I can come up with. It's a hit or miss kind of process. Sometimes I love the outcome, other times it's horrible, then there's the majority where it falls in the eh...whatever range. I like to make things that are just cool to look at. I'm one of those people who needs to be visually stimulated to be satiated. That's one of the reasons why I love cruising the strip in Vegas at night. The lights are great. I love to sit and watch the sunrise or set. I can sit on the pier and just stare at the sea. On warm nights during the summer I'd go to the beach and lay out to stare at the stars and listen to the waves. I love to people watch, we're such funny creatures. I'll go to Seaport Village to watch the kites do air stunts or just watch the boats cruise the bay. There have been times when I'd just stare out my front window and watch the neighborhood kids play a game of football. I like to play the role of the silent observer. Taking in whatever catches my eye. That's the approach I take to my art. I just want it to look interesting. There doesn't
need to be meaning behind it. If someone can make an emotional connection to it, that's really great. My intention is just to stimulate one of the senses and seeing what happens from there.
Among other things, today is my older brother's birthday. That old geezer. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Brenna and I will be dropping off presents to friends so that Christmas Day will be spent with our respective families. They will drive me insane. They always do. Then I will desperately be clawing at the door for some relief, which will not come. I'm still looking for something to do on New Year's Eve. I actually have the day off, which is most awesome. I have a couple of options, I just don't want to commit. The more I think about it, the less I want to get smashed. I mean give me good music, good people, good conversation, and I'm set. If they don't have good food, I can always use Super Sergio's or Denny's as my back up plan. I'm just looking to get my boogie on. A little tail feather shakin', naw I mean? So if you're going to have a partay with some booty bass, I'm there! Haven't had a good night of dancing in a long time. Hmm...dancing...so much fun.
So Let me just take this time to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. May your New Year be prosperous and full of joy. If Christmas isn't your thing, well Happy Hanukkah or have a Blessed Kwanzaa. Point of it all, enjoy the company of your loved ones. Mine drive me crazy, but it always ends up as time well spent. Take care of yourself and each other. Season's best to you all.
Random Blurb: Don't get too fucked up on New Year's! I don't want to hear any black out stories.
::Quizilla Helps Me Kill Time::
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
Random Blurb: Man, I need a hobby while I'm at work. I get bored too easily.
::All Dolled Up::
I remember when I was about 7, I finally broke free of my mom's insatiable need to put me in beauty pageants. The pageants were a joke. Pretty much who ever spent/raised the most money determined what place the contestants would be in. I'd always be the first runner up because my mom lived for these things. She'd go all out. Get me a hair dresser, someone to do my make-up, and a seamstress to hook up a gown. She'd rally friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, and associates to come to my "aid" and the "aid of the Filipino-American Community". I remember going shopping for the crown they crowned me with. She'd ask me if I liked one better than the other, like it would matter. She made ALL the decisions anyway. The pageants were always more about her. Mom wanted something to talk about. What could be better than her daughter being made a princess for 3 years in a row?
My mom thought I could move outside of the community pageants and tried to put me in a pageant against other girls who had mothers like my own. The only difference was I was the ONLY Asian/Pacific Islander girl there. Well more accurately, I was the only non-white girl there. I thought I did well. Honestly, I could articulate my ideas/thoughts to the judges better than most of the other girls. I had years of practice under my belt. Even in the talent part rocked socks because I had been taking tap for some years by then. I even learned the "wave" and had it down to a science. I was always smiling, had my curtsy on lock. I think I was the most professional pageant brat there.
I ended up in the 5th runner up position. Let me tell you why. This is exactly what the judge said to my mom, "Your daughter is charming. However, we don't think she has the right "look" to move onto the next level". Yeah, that sucked. But at least after that, my mom's spirit was broken and I never had to enter another stinkin' pageant again. I hated that whole period of my existence. It wasn't about fun, it was about making my mom look good to everyone else. My objections fell on deaf ears. I was like my mom's little puppet. At least that part of my life is over.
Random Blurb: Hmm...talk about coming out of nowhere. I like when posts just kinda happen.
::All I Want For Christmas...Someday::
I found one present that totally rules, if by some miracle someone loved me enough to drop a huge chunk of cash on this gadget. When I'm talking about a huge chunk of cash, I'm talking about $599.95, and any applicable sales tax. But hey, we can all dream. Right now, it doesn't look like I can have a real dog. Just because I'm still living at home and my parents are just not in the mood to deal with my little darling when I'm at work or school. So the next best thing is to get a robotic one. It's cuuuute. And I'm a neeeerd.
Man, that would be sweet. You can look at the product description of the best darned thing I could think of right now, by visiting
The Discovery Store. I'm pitiful. LOL, I miss having a pet. I mean I have a one eyed fish at Mike's house, but I don't get to see Vicci all the time. Hey Mike, damn your stupid pleco for sucking out my fishy's eyeball. *sigh* Poor fishy. OK, I think this post is done. It's getting kinda funky. So I bid you adieu.
Random Blurb: Pets are cool. Cool are pets.
::Sick...In The Head::
Man, the flu really sucks. The shit hit me hard. I was cool on Tuesday, then the next day I was tore up. I missed going on that flight with John and Erick. My bro was telling me all about it. It sounded amazing. John told him that he would try to arrange another flight so I can go. They were out for about 3 hours. Erick even got to steer for a little bit. So cool! I'm so jealous! Ooops, there I go. I'm turning green.
At least I'm over my fever and the weird dreams that came with it. Now, I just have to deal with this really bad cough and a runny nose. It's the kind of cough where you feel like you're getting pricked in your throat with 50 million needles. That
HURTS like hell. Wait, I had a point to this post. I wanted to share a story with you guys, so here we go.
So I was friends with this one chick, but we had a falling out. She basically got super hater on me after I hooked up with my ex. She's a manipulative bitch. She's a liar. She wasn't really my friend. What she doesn't know is that I keep in touch with one of her ex boyfriends. He's so cool to talk to. We'd gripe about how she tried to pull shady on us. Anyway, she pages him out of nowhere. Out of curiousity he calls her to see what's up. Now mind you, she doesn't know we still talk. So Art asks her, "How's your girl, Roch?" Now this breezy, comes up with some crazy story about how she saw me at the mall looking gothic. I was supposedly going down the escalator wearing all black, with black make up, and I was wearing black wings. WTF?!?! Now, that makes no kind of sense. I mean anyone who knows me, even for an hour, knows that I'm straight up HIP HOP first. I've always been. That music and culture is my first love. Now you know what else is funny? A little before me and my ex broke up, she caught him online. She approached him like, "Hey didn't you used to go out with
my homegirl, Roch?" So he played along. She tried to say all this shit like she moved out of her mom's pad and that she's driving a new 4Runner. So this girl lives around the corner from me, literally. My ex had picked me up so we could go out to dinner. We were coming around the corner, and we saw the girl outside. The moment she realized it was us, she turned right around and walked inside. See, lying never gets you anywhere but into trouble. Silly rabbit.
Random Blurb: So today's moral is, DON'T FUCKING LIE. If you do, someone will eventually find out that you're lying and you'll look like an ass.
::Fly...High...Sky...High::
So check this out, I have a co-worker who used to fly planes part time. He started working with our company because he needed a full time gig. I've only known him a few months, but he's one of the most interesting people I've come across. He's like in his...hmmm I'd say late 50s, maybe older? I'm not sure. Anyway, point of this post is he invited me and my brother to be passengers on his flight tomorrow. That's going to be
DOPE!!! I've never been in one of those smaller passenger planes. He's been flying for years and we've had conversations about his flights a couple of times. It always sounded so cool, one of those things you'd want to experience for yourself. So as he was leaving today, he comes up to me and says, "You're going flying tomorrow." I was all confused. All I could think to say was, "I am?" Then John tells me that he spoke to Erick, and we're set to meet up. After that was all cleared up I said, "DOOD! That's going to be freaking ILL like Ebola!" John got a few chuckles, and he was on his way home. Coolness! I'm excited.
My clumsy ass is still getting hurt. I swear something is short circuited in my brain. I fell in the shower today...not cool! Pulled the damn curtains down with me. That was horrible. Damn that squeaky dolphin toy. I need to make sure my sister puts her tub toys away. That brings my tally of bruises up to like 15. I've been a walking disaster. It hurts to sit a certain way, because then I put pressure directly on the ass cheek I landed on. Like you guys needed to know that, haha. Well yeah, that's about all I have for now. I need to actually do work. Holiday season has been filling the queue with e-mails, which I need to answer. I need to get started on those, last I checked we were at almost 260. Peace out cub/girl scouts!
Random Blurb: Brandon just said he has, "oral fixations". HAHA
::The Reason...Stupid Klutz...Outlet Mayhem::
I've been having problems getting to sleep, so it being Sunday I decided that because I was up that I would go to 7 AM mass. I like going to church alone, it gives me time to think clearly to myself and get in touch with my religious beliefs. Every year I've been noticing how Christmas is less about Christ and more about selling/buying stuff. I don't want to get all super Jesus freak about it, but it just shows where our society places it's emphasis. Anyway, I get to church and I see some of my grandma's friends. They ask me why I was at church alone, and I told them it was because I didn't want to wake the rest of my family and top that off I have work later in the day. We ended up sitting together, and overall I'd have to say that for some reason today was one of the better days to be in church. My grandma's friends didn't even trip over my piercings, they even joked about getting some of their own. They're the type of Catholics who actually uphold the ideals of tolerance, compassion, and understanding. There were a few people in church who looked at me like I was crazy, but I'm used to that. It happens every week, there's always someone judging me, and you can tell by the glares of distaste. Anyway...I really enjoyed today's service. During the sermon, Father kindly reminded us to keep in mind why we celebrate this time of year. Yes, it's nice to get presents but don't let the material items displace your true sources of happiness that you find in family, friends, and living a good life.
Well after mass, I parted ways with my adopted Lolas and headed home to do some chores. I finished up laundry. Did some dishes. Yadda yadda yadda. It was just some general tidy up stuff. I swear today I was just super clumsy. I dropped a heavy ass laundry basket on my own wrist. I don't even know how that happened. All I knew is that I lost grip then felt pain. Later, I was straightening up stuff for the recycle bin and I hella bumped my knee on the table. It was almost like that funny bone sensation. It felt weird. Then as I was folding laundry in my room I hit my head on one of my shelves. I have a stupid bump there now. I don't know if it's because I've lost sleep or what, I just can't get my body to coordinate with the actions my brain wants me to perform.
So it's about 10 AM, and I decide to go outlet shopping down by the border. Big mistake. It was horrible. Too many damn people. Too many damn cars. Too much damn stress, way more than what I was expecting. I'm just going back on a weekday when shit is a little more calmed down. I almost completely done with my Christmas shopping. That feels good. Anyway, that's all I have. Not too exciting. I hope not too boring either. Eh...whatever.
Random Blurb: I want sneaks and a new tattoo...still. LOL damn me and my fetishes.
::"I Miss You Too"::
I couldn't sleep last night (like that's new), and I was at home listening to music at about 3 or so in the morning. I hopped on AIM to see who was on, and there was my ex. I sent him an IM just to say, "Hey". We were chatting for a bit, about nothing in particular. We were just catching up on what's been going on. I asked him about finals, he asked me about how I was coping with my current situation. It was just two friends, who genuinely care about each other having a nice conversation. It was about 4 AM when he asked if he could call. He said he just wanted to hear my voice before he went to sleep, so I saw no harm and told him to go ahead. We were talking about more random stuff. Then all of a sudden he told me, "I miss you". I was a little surprised that it came out. I'm not going to deny that I have feelings for him. I miss him too. It's obvious that I still love him. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want our situation to get even more complicated. And I told him exactly that. I would like for things to be different, but it's not possible. We both understand that. I guess it was one of those things he just had to express. I'm glad he did. I honestly would wonder what he was thinking whenever we'd talk or visit with one another. I told him that I really missed having his company, but that's something I have to deal with. I said good night and listened to more music. I couldn't help but replay "I miss you" in my head. It was comforting to hear that he still cared. *sigh* It would've been 5 years on January 20. Years...Wow.
Now, I'm just feeling a little nostalgic. There has been a lot of pain involved, but that couldn't overshadow the powerful connection we had or the positives in our relationship. But much like the title of that one Roots album,
Things Fall Apart. Maybe one day there will be a reconciliation. When and if it happens, I'll take it for what it is. We agreed to not put our lives on hold, it's time to move on. We at least have our friendship, that's really more than I could ask for. I'm really not bitter towards him at all, and that feels so good. I wish all break ups could be that way.
Random Blurb: I'm not as lonely, but I can't help but miss that constant companion I found in "him".
::I Have a Confession::
I've been trying very hard to fight self-destructive urges. I want to pick up a razor blade and run it down my arm. I want to feel physical pain so it dulls the emotional. I've just been so...scared. I'm scared of my thoughts, I'm scared to go to sleep, I'm scared to find out how this post will make my friends feel, I'm scared to put my parents through a repeat of my sophomore year in high school. I'm especially scared of myself. At one time, I knew what I was capable of. I knew how far I would go to hurt myself. Now, I think I'm regressing. I can't tell how fast, all I know is that I don't know my own limit. I keep feeling like I'm ready to go over the edge. Then somehow I inch away from it, then something shoves me towards it again. I'm a wreck. I don't even want to close my eyes at night. I'm haunted by that fucking bastard and his gray eyes. I get that sick feeling out of nowhere, my chest burns, then the tears run freely. I've been having some really good times when I hang out with friends. I genuinely enjoy myself when I'm with them. They help me ease into my day. I know I don't have the best relationship with some of my family members, but thinking about what would happen to them if I left scares me. I'm driving myself insane with fear. The biggest fear that's been bothering me is that even with all these wonderful people in my life, I still want to end it. I have people who would stop their lives just to help me with my own. I'm surrounded by good friends and family. With all that, I shouldn't feel this lonely. I shouldn't, but I do.
I don't know how to bring this up in conversation. I hate myself for feeling this way during this time of year. I've been trying to maintain my faith and praying that I make the right decisions, but I need more help. I've made an appointment. I'm going back to take advantage of counseling. Thank God I'm not ashamed to seek help anymore. I just can't keep going on like this. It's been too long. I don't want anyone to worry, but I know that there will be someone who will. Please just take comfort in the fact that I'm getting help. I don't know how else to express my current situation. I don't feel it appropriate to bring up in conversation. I've been trying to clear my head and use some rationale. Truth is, it's not working. I've been fronting like crazy, holding shit back. I can't do that to myself anymore. I'm strong enough now to fight this the right way. I'm not giving in, I may want to, but that's not God's will or my own. I just need to make the little baby steps to shake this off.
Random Blurb: Thank you, thank you, thank you to my Lola Paz. If I didn't talk to you recently I might have totally given up on trying to fight. You seem to know what's going on just by listening to my voice, and I find comfort in yours.
::I Wasn't Lying!::
I don't know if you guys have ever watched
Blue Gender on Adult Swim. Seriously though, the people who work for Cartoon Network described them to look like an angry woman's crotch. Now some people don't believe me, and only because they have yet to see any images to that effect. Well dammit, I found an image of the one type of Blue that most definitely is all kinds of wrong. Check it out:
See that part above the "mouth"? That's the core. When you shoot a Blue in the core, there are secretions. If you watch episode 4 titled, "Agony" you'll totally understand what I mean. I so wasn't trippin'! You guys just started watching at the wrong time. You should be ashamed for making me feel like my good name was at stake. Dirty bastards! Hah! Point proven. Shove that in your pipe and smoke it!
Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADING FERDINAND!!! Love ya little bro. Have a good 14th. Hey, I know Mom said she was going to get you a cake, please save some for me and Erick since we'll be at work. And with that, I end this post. I sound like an ass. I need to quit while I'm ahead.
Random Blurb: Mwahaha, I typed "secretions".
::On my Way to Work Yesterday::
I was on my way to work, driving down Division. There was an old skool, burgundy, Camry in front of me. On top of the Camry's roof was a purse, and it fell off. Me, Erick (my older bro), and Mike (my best guy friend) were all like, "oh shit!" We honked at the people in the car, but they drove away. I stopped my truck and Mike ran out to pick up the purse. We tried to follow the car, but they were long gone. We had to get to work, so we were on our way. While I was heading north on the 805, Mike and my bro were discussing the contents of the bag. From what I know there was $325 in cash, Veteran's checks, make up, wallet, blah de blah. This poor elderly woman forgot about her purse being on top of the car. I feel bad for her, she must be tripping out hardcore. Sorry lady, I have yet to take your stuff to the police. I'll do it tomorrow before work. Seriously, all your stuff will be in the bag, no worries. Like Erick said, "It's better that we picked it up instead of some unscrupulous people. You know, like tweakers". I swear if this doesn't put me on the "nice" list with Santa, then nothing will.
Well, thanks to all the peeps who hung out on Friday. It was fun. But seriously, I'm not repressed. Yeah, I made jokes about sexuality, and there was a whole lot of innuendo thrown around. Why the hell did I say those things? Just to get reactions. I've never been one to fight my natural desires, so psshz. I was just looking to push boundaries. I thought some of you would've learned that about me by now. I can be outrageous when I want to be, Friday was just a prime example. Expect that again! I find so much humor in it all. So yeah, here's a word for you guys. "PENETRATE" And next time you go to Denny's and the waiter asks if he can bring you anything else, ask him to bring you "melons" and commence with the laughter. It wasn't necessarily good, clean, fun. Hell, it sure was fun though.
Random Blurb: I have a new word to throw around with everyone, "Lubrication". Good times.
::Drama Just Seems to Follow Me EVERYWHERE::
So my time away at the Navy Lodge was ok, up until this morning. I'm a little pissed off, but mostly frustrated. It's like everytime things seem to calm down and I'm finally adjusting to the last nerve wrecking incident, someone in my life goes and pulls another stunt. I mean for the most part, I'm feeling fine. I just don't like that my education has been suffering lately. The only reason why I'm working full time is basically because if I want to take my desired path in life, then I have to do it on my own for the most part. For my birthday, I just asked that I get a little financial help for school so I could save a little more money for books in spring. However, today, ugh. I was basically shitted on. I had to hear the lecture about the advantages of being a nurse from my mom. She went off about if I just had listened to her, then she would've paid for all my educational expenses at a vocational school and not give me such a hard time about trying to get a degree in Economics. She kept going on about if I had just went to Maric College I could've been finished with my training and I could already be working. I'd have all this job security, and money, and I could get material things, and blah de da. Look, she has good points. I won't deny that. That would be straight up pig-headed of me to not see that there are advantages to that path in life. I've always been the type of person to do what I feel is right for me, and honestly, I know I couldn't stand being in the medical field. She makes it seem like trying to be an economist is totally retarded. As if I'd be living on welfare and struggling with taking care of myself. I don't even necessarily have to be an economist, there are so many job opportunities for someone who obtains that level of education. It bothers me how she can make me feel like my choices are just plain bad. It's not about money for me. It's about doing something that I can LIVE with for the most part of my life. She tells me to be practical, and I'm like how is choosing economics unpractical? Ever since graduating from high school back in '01, she'll pull this out on what feels like the worst times. She's driving me bonkers, as always. I just hate that she doesn't see that I'd be satisfied with myself if I could just do what I feel is right for me. She basically tried to deny me any help when I started college, and since our relationship was never that great, it's been that much more strained. *sigh* Whatever. I'm cool. She's not going to stop me. Things she says never gets to me for too long. This is my life I'm living, she'll figure that out soon enough.
Random Blurb: I feel much better getting that out.
::20 Years Ago...This was Unleashed on the Earth::
So yeah, I'm no longer a teenager as of 4:48 AM. Yay for me. Eh, actually I don't really care. As of right now, I've already had 5 people wish me a Happy Birthday, and it's only like 3 hours after I was born. Thanks everyone. It's really nice that you guys care more than I do. My birthday was only a big deal for my 18th, and really, that wasn't much. I wanted to take this opportunity to take a little stroll down memory lane. Here's a pic of my mom during the aftermath. She's no where near being that dark. I was and am a light ass person, so I blame the lighting.
Here's my Lola Paz. She's one of the most beautiful people in the world. It's cool, even 20 years later she still pretty much looks the same. I seriously want to age like her. She looks good for a 77 year old. She's still going strong. She's built tough, just like a Ford. I'm more than willing to sacrifice for her at any given moment. My grandma is my real mother. She was there when things counted most.
So yeah, today is just another day. I have work, and I have to study. Ugh, I'm getting kicked out of my house tomorrow. We need to fumigate. Stupid termites. *sigh* So I won't even get to be at home on my days off from work. I'll be at the Navy Lodge on 32nd Street. I don't like the Navy Lodge, I know I could probably stay at a friends', but my parents already got me my own room. Just gotta make the most of things you know? Well, I should try to sleep. I've been scared to sleep lately because that dream has pestered me 3 nights in a row. I'm going to fill my head with funny and useless crap and pray that I have a totally random dream. All else fails, I know where to get some shrooms. Well that's all for now. Take care of yourselves!
Random Blurb: I still need to post new pix of me...that'll have to wait until after I change my labret from a post to a hoop. Yeah! Sounds good.
