::Cryin' Over You::
I've been so moody. I hate when I'm like this. Things are sinking in and it's making me feel extremely insecure about myself. I know that I SHOULD NOT feel that way at all. It's just getting harder and harder to see myself become a mommy. I've been assured that having children will not be an issue when I decide the time is right. My doctor has answered all my questions concerning how this will affect me later on down the road. The only concern at this time is to ensure that my left side stays healthy. However, your mind can be your own worst enemy, and that is my situation at the moment. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I can't see things the way I used to, and that causes me some worry. I mean I know what should be, but that's just not how I can perceive it. No matter how much I try to find comfort in the knowledge that I was given, I can't help but stress over this monumental change in my life. I've put forth so much effort to be as informed as possible, alas, it has done nothing to quell the fears I fabricate in the recesses of my mind. Deep down, I'm sure that I will be fine and that everything will fall into place for me and the family that I want to have. However, I just can't seem to get rid of these negative emotions. My water works have been in over drive lately. I'm lonely. I feel distant from my loved ones. I have no one to blame but myself for that. At one point, I felt my sense of drive and direction was moving at sonic proportions. Now, I'm just so lost. Drive and direction? Now, those things have dulled down to a faint buzz. I just don't know anymore.The point of having this blog is to express those things that I just can't find the voice to bring up in conversation with my closest confidants. I hope that this does explain some of the behavior I've been exhibiting. I feel like I've been acting asinine and even though I realize what I'm doing, I just can't stop myself. Grr...there I go again...stupid wretch.
Random Blurb: *sigh*
posted by Rochelle @ 11:41:00 AM
<< Home