::What Happened Was The Blood Supply Was Cut Off To Your Ovary, Which Made It Necrotic...::
I've been home from the hospital for over a week. Things are taking a whole lot of adjusting, but I'm very happy that the healing process is going smoothly. I just...*sigh*...it's starting to all sink in. I know that it's something that I could not have possibly controlled. This is a fact which I can accept. I've just been sitting up late, replaying the moment I saw Dr. Borja after surgery. Since she was contacted by the doctors in the emergency room, she's the OB/GYN who took prime responsibility for me as her patient. I didn't see her again until Friday morning. She and Dr. Nurse had already spoken to my mom and Minh about what actually took place during surgery. She repeated it all for me that morning. I couldn't process what she said until now. These things can just take that long. This has admittedly altered how I will forever view myself as a woman. In no way do I have a more negative image of myself, it's just...different. I'm still trying to sort out those thoughts. Right now, I'm beginning to understand the whole ordeal in the way that my thoughts can only process a sense of loss. I've cried once since they told me there was a possible need for them to remove integral parts of my reproductive system. Actually, I'll be needing to make that twice. It's hard for me because I lack understanding of how this all happened. I had no previous signs that indicated that there was this massive growth. The cyst had been festering for such a long period of time, and it amazes me that there was nothing hinting to any type of health problem. I've been killing myself with I wish this and that. If only this happened. Even though I realize that does me no good now, I can't help but wonder all the what ifs, what could haves, and the what shoulds. Things have turned out about as perfect as I could hope for with all things taken into consideration. For that I'm extremely grateful. It's just that now, I'm falling apart a little bit. Whatever defense mechanism I set up to deal with that stressful situation is crumbling. Reality is sinking in, and reality makes me feel very hurt right now. Overwhelming is the one word that sums everything up. This is something that no pain medication can help ease...that's just a little unfortunate for me at the moment.
Random Blurb: I don't want to make it seem like I have some sort of victim mentality, but damn I'm just tired of dealing with so much.
posted by Rochelle @ 3:54:00 AM
<< Home